Divorce and a bicultural marriage
In a divorce, a bicultural family, or a family where the parents come from different countries, faces the same issues, emotions and experiences as a family where the parents share the same native country and the same cultural background.
A bicultural divorce does have certain distinguishing features, however, such as the parents' choice of which country to live in, custody of the child, and supporting the child's bilingual and bicultural identity after the divorce.
When bilingual parents end up in divorce, culture may become
a scapegoat that the parents use as a weapon in their disputes.
This kind of situation places the child in a conflicting position as
what the parents are fighting about is an important and inalienable
part of the child's self-image.
The child finds the situation very confusing, and in the worst case the parents' disputes lead to a situation where the child is ashamed of and insecure about his/her cultural background.
This is why the parents should try to see the situation through the child's eyes and accept the fact that the divorce will not change the fact that the child's roots extend to two countries, and that there are still two equally valuable sides to the child's identity.
The parents also need to avoid denigrating each other in the presence of the child, and the child should never have to take sides between his/her parents or their respective cultures at the request of his/her father or mother.
Advice and support for divorcing families in English can be found:
- Family councelling offices provide parents with help and support in issues relating to parenting, children's development and family relationships. The services are free of charge. Forcontact details, see the Web site of the child's municipality of residence.
Family counseling centres provide support in various relationshipand family problems as well in other crises. Typically, people contact a family counseling centre because of relationship conflicts, infidelity, or interaction, parenting, or stepfamily problems.The services are free of charge and church membership is not required. For more information, see Family Councelling Centres
Duo Project offers discussion groups, mother & baby discussion groups, relationship coaching, relationship counselling, Intercultural family training and advice service. Duo Project’s confidential advice service offers information on intercultural relationships, family life and parenthood. For the telephone advice service phone 044-5438972, Wednesdays 9.30am – 11.30am, for the cost of a mobile phone call. Duo Project forms part of the activities of the Multicultural Association Familia Club ry.
Infopankki.fi offers information about Finland in 15 languages including infromation about divorce.
Finnish Association for Abducted Children supports and helps parents prevent international child abductions and return abducted children back to the country of departure, and gives advice on difficult international custody disputes. See more www.kaapatutlapset.fi
Family Federation's Centre for Multicultural Expertise offers consultation in different languages www.vaestoliitto.fi/monikulttuurisuus/palvelut/in_english/services/